Wednesday 27 August 2008,14:31:00
if sleeping can helps to forget
i would sleep through my life
if stop breathing can helps to forget
i would stop right at this moment
if only smiling could do that
if only working hard could do it
i would have long forgotten
and do not need to be still searching
searching for solutions
searching for helps
hoping i could simply just get
a coma and memories wiped
silly thoughts i may have
crazy thoughts they might be
but all i want is just something
so simple yet hard to achieve
Monday 25 August 2008,14:16:00
was on leave on thurs and fri
thurs was a damn busy day lolx~
morning 6.30 when my hp alarm rang
I ACTUALLY WOKE UP!!
when i stared at my hp
i was like..wad the..
when i need to work
i couldnt even hear the alarm
but yet today i do not need to
i woke up by the alarm!! =,="
went back to slp aft turning off alarm
7am deardear sms mi >.<"
i replied 2 or 3 and fall back to slp
then 8am,my colick sms mi
telling mi she not taking transport
so i inform another guy.
then think my colick realized
i on leave, she sms mi again
saying noted that i on leave sorry
lolx =,="
then 8.30am, sue sms mi
asking mi abt dunno whose inv
she called mi straight aft i replied
the 1st thing she said was..
u sleeping arhx?sorry.. =,="
lolx..then talk awhile after hung up
haha..and i woke up to maple le..
zzzz...til 10am finally lvl alr,
abt 10.30 i went to shower all these
by the time i done 11.30am alr
lolx..we meeting one more frenx
11.30 at lot one..haha.. so end up
i nv get to drink even my soup!!
oh,was with dajie and kelvin
then dajie cooked dunno
breakfast or lunch la..haha..
i told her no nid cook rice for mi
i just have the soup and veggie
but end up..not even soup for mi
zZz..the nitex b4 was alr starving
lolx.. =,="
then at movie
wanted buy sth to eat
but at B1, all the food there..
cannot eat de..zZz..
not fried jiu shi cakes!
sighx..kelvin bought one big pkt
my fav nacho tibits for mi
but i told them i dun wan!!
during movie i reali guai guai nv touch
sobs..only drink my guava yogurt drink
sighx..poor mi..haha..
aft movie,walk around awhile
then went home to change
meet moon 4.30pm at yew tee mrt
from there we walked to cck stadium
think we were there for an hr or so
mostly i did the cycling thing
i burned abt 140 calories before i stop
hahaha..then went to find moon
then we do a lil of these and that
went back to the cycling thing again
=,=" i was like..again?
haha..then i set 100calories
when i just started to paddle
i felt..imposs to finish 100
was thinking to give up..
then..dunno why..suddenly
tot of him..then closed my eyes
and think of us..of him..
then inside mi i was shouting
and i paddle faster and faster
force myself to finish it up!
tell myself i must do it this time
and never give up!
i must live even better!
wow..and i did it?
i was damn surprised i finished up
the 100 calories! LOLX!!
but..nitex time..
was damn unbearable =,="
my whole leg damn sour pain!
and yet i still maple til mornin 5plus
lolx..dang! =X
anyway 6plus we left the gym
took bus to lot one
went to have dinner
ordered 2porridge
we 3 shared,and one dessert each
then from lot one,
we walked back to sanjie house
lolx..watched tv til 10.30
then chit chat downstair til 11plus
haha..then reach home shower
12plus started maple =,="
man..can only rem abt thurs
lolx..
cant tink of anythin to say for fri
=X hahahaa..
anyway fri had my massage!
oh ya,on thurs morning
when i remove the cloth
i weigh,less 2kg man!! ^^
so damn happie..haha..
last week whole week,
other than thurs tt evening
i nv take dinner sia.. =X
tues coz by time yoga finished
8pm alr..so dun wan eat..
pei sanjie and a frenx go eat tho
>.<" i ordered chinese tea
and watched them eat..zZz..
wed is coz by time massage finish
8plus le..lolx..dajie got cook actually
haha..but never eat also..went to slp..
thurs had,fri..also never..
maple maple maple..lolx..
12plus had maggie mee
before massage that's all..
haha..then sat..hmmx..
7.30pm dajie asked wan maggie
so i said cook for mi also lorx
but end up ate few mouths only
haha..threw all away! =X
for sun which is ytd..
hmmx..also never eat..
aftn aft treatment
went erjie house had lunch,
they cooked porridge, enoki,
fish, and fried prawns.
i ate more of enoki and fish
haha..then tt's all i had for the day
lolx..reached home 5pm le..
went to rest..then slept til 8plus
if not sanjie came,
i sure cont slp de..zzz..
10pm wanted slp le
but fred ask mi maple
end up..tink 12plus then i log out
today damn tired sia..dunno y
lolx..just now had fish head tomyam
damn full..haha..hmmx..
sianx..sleepy!! =X
Wednesday 20 August 2008,10:20:00
~rEgrEts~
i reali thought..
he's the best thing
that is happening to mi on earth
but yet why
didnt i bother to cherish in the first place
why is it that
only when facing heartaches
then you know that
you truly loves him
but yet when its all just too late
i reali cant walk away
when the pain keeps calling
and reminding mi of the past
with tears rolling like nobody biz
and heart aching like its dying
when then can all this pains stop
when then can the memories fade
til then, its just so hard to let go
i have never wanted to let you go
but yet there's nothing i can do
my heart was dying
so all i can do was just to give in
if times allows and situation allows
all i ask for is just one more chance
to let you know howx much i reali love u
i gave all i could and all i can
might not be the best in the world
but indeed it's still the best i could
but yet nothing is ever enough for u
times passes and we get older
but still here i am, tearing for you
thinking of you and having you
running thru my mind like racing horses
woke up each day thinking of u
cried to sleep every nitex, missing u
heartaches are forever
JUST SO PAINFUL
well well..
hmmx.. sighx..
never expect...
to meet him in maple again
sighx..why did he ever come to find her
why in the hell appear in front of mi
when i login val cleric
i saw guild list
saw he played wolf..
alr feel a lil heart pain
then suddenly..poof!
he appeared!
shocked mi!
i thought i see wrong?!
i thought he look familiar?
sighx..couldnt sleep..
cried?! for?! nothing!
haha..well..dunno..
just couldnt control i guessed
hmmx..that's wad im afraid of
things just happen..
when u least expect?
that's y woodlands and dohby
is still my forbidden area!
but ytd heard he's stayin at popo place
which means.. tiong bahru? haha..
sighx..sianx..no mood..zzz..
was happie mapling..
for few mths alr..
then suddenly..ytd he appeared
sighx..just reali wish..
i can just lose my memory la..
i reali wish to rem him no more!
im tired of getting sad and crying..
ppl alr dun even bother abt mi..
heartache for other gal..
wad for im still crying for him rite?
sighx..i think even in times..
when i let go alr..i still cant see him
haha..coz i will just feel the pain..
and sadness in mi and cry again..
please!let mi see him no more!
best if i could just forget that..
this person exists!!
sighx..dun reali mean..
to blame deardear de..
sighx..just..hmmx..
dunno..
think she's the only frenx of mine
still in contact with him..
sighx..tired..
not saying dun wan them b frenx..
but..just get him away from mi?
please anyone..or everyone..
dun mention his name in front of mi
ever again can?!
i mention = nvm
but u ppl mention = CANNOT!
=X
if i purposely try to dun say his name
means im forcing myself to forget
which is actually the wrong way!
the more u try to force
the harder u can forget =,="
so..let times brings his memories away
but u ppl as frenx mention..
means..
reminding mi of him?!
haha..so cannot.. lolx..
yupx! =D
when will this river
of tears stop falling
where can i run
so i won't feel alone
I CANT WALK AWAY
WHEN THE PAIN KEEPS CALLING
i just got to take it
from here on my own
BUT ITS SO HARD TO LET GO
Tuesday 19 August 2008,15:38:00
well well..during my last blogging
somehowx i went to read feb entries
then saw abt sunshine sms and calls
omg..then started to feel..i miss him!!
haha..miss the times..he asked mi out..
argh! =X
if only at that time i slim a lil..
LOLX =X
last week was still telling deardear
i miss sunshine la.. lolx..
and sat when i forward sms..
he replied a :)
haha..long time nv receive any sms
from him alr.. lolx..so i asked howx him
we sms a few?
reali a few tho sighx..
think he replied 3 or 4 nia..
EEK!! i missed the times la
we sms alot..he asked mi out
haha..sadx!!
nvm..still waiting for the time
i slim down? then i will ask him out =X
LOLX.. dunno when tt will be haha..
i had been saying this for mths =X
lolx..haha..hmmx..ytd went to see doc
the doc super nice and sweet..
likes her alot man!! haha..
then she spent alot time talkin to mi sia
reali alot =,=" teach mi the rite way
to slim! ahahahahaa... =P
so i must reali work hard this time ^^
oh ya..mi and deardear got a new di
on maple abt two weeks ago..
haha..cute and nice..
exchange contact with him last week
hmmx..ytd then realised..lolx..
we so near nia.. =,="
when i heard he stay cck i abit surprised liao
so ask which part..then he said teck whye lane
i was like.. diao.. =X
then ask him wad block..omg..
haha.. less than 5mins walk nia
lolx..funnie sia..maple so long liao
1st time found someone so near
haha.. ^^
Saturday 16 August 2008,10:00:00
im feeling..sadx?
can someone tells mi y
im feeling damn moody
can someone tell my y too
sighx..or maybe even bett..
tells mi howx?!?
howx to stop!!
tell mi solutionS!
sighx..was kinda bored just now
so go read some frenx blog..
saw tis old frenx of mine's
1yr plus nv blog alr..
saw her past posts..
she got the best angel
no other guys could compare
but she let him go..
hmmx..sometimes..
reali dunno wad humans thinking..
howx all the gals would wan a bf like tt
but yet..for no particular reason..
she let him go.. sighx..so sadx..
humans..that is..
ARGH!!
sadness and moody-ness!!
get aways from mi!!!
ARGH!!!
sobs!
been like a week since..
i start feeling moody?!
and the pain in the chest?!
sighx..dun reali wanna..
talk abt it to anyone..
dun wan them feel i fan..
so long le still holding on..
still feelin wad pain la!
sighx..im sure they r tired
of hearing mi sayin it also..
sighx..but..times..
reali wish there is someone..
who can simply just give mi a hug
and tells mi its alrite to cry..
just cry... sighx..tired..
if god u r fair..
i pray..
all i pray and want..
is tt u can bless mi..
with a more happie mi!
you are forever in my life
you see me through the seasons
cover me with your hand
and lead me in your righteousness
and i look to you
and i wait on you
i will sing to you Lord
a hymn of love
for Your faithfulness to me
im carried in everlasting arms
you'll never let me go
through it all~~~
Friday 15 August 2008,14:08:00
~jEsUs l0vEs mE~
Jesus loves me this i know
for the bible tells me so
little ones to Him belong
they are weak but He is strong
if a child can understand
that Jesus' love is real
my friend i cannot comprehend
the reason that you fail
to feel the love that Jesus has
to die for you and me
when all you need is simple trust
and a childlike faith to see
Jesus loves me this i know
the bible tells me so
i've sung this song so many times
but still i never know
what did He ever see in me
for all He has to give
to give His life at Calvary
that you and i will live
will you ever see
His blood upon the sand
can you never feel
the nail prints in His hand
if you only knew
the love He has for you
like i know that Jesus loves me
yes Jesus loves me this i know
still you do not realise
why tears are in my eyes
i cried because i know the cause
my savior sacrificed
yes Jesus loves me this i know
the bible tells me so
but words alone can never tell
the pain He came to know
will you ever see
His blood upon the sand
can you never feel
the nail prints in His hand
if you only knew
the love He has for you
like i know that Jesus loves me
yes Jesus loves me this i know
yes Jesus loves me
yes Jesus loves me
yes Jesus loves me
the bible tells me so
there is none like you
no one else can touch my heart like u do
recently tv keep show ad on tis cd
then always hear these two lines
hmmx..few weeks back
went lot one with erjie
her car playin christian songs
heard one of my fav song
automatically i sang along
wow miracle i still can rem lyrics
ytd heard these two lines again
somehowx got these urge in mi
i wan to feel god again
i wan to be touch by him again
i wan to cry out
i wan to have someone hugging me
telling mi just cry..
i miss the past..im tired
really very tired..
these might not be the life i want
i guess...
just now on cab to work..
thoughts ran thru my mind..
lots of thoughts..
howx come time seems so not enuf
or was it mi who didnt make use of it
didnt use it to the fullest?!?
everyday aft work go home..
watch one hr tv, play game..
and gosh..time to slp..
next day..same..wake up go work
home, tv games..slp......
just now suddenly felt..
hmmx..so tired.. =X
all i do is games..slp..work..
i dun wan...wth did i go back maple
now like so dun bear to stop..
fuck! this year is comin to an end soon
gosh! so damn fast..and..
im still the old mi?!?!
nothing change?? when i claim that
i will change by this year?! OMG!!
sighx..so tired..dunno wad m i doin anymore
deardear..wth u give birth..if u nv..
we can stop bored-ing at hm with maple only
we can meet out..go out..make full use..
enjoy our life..sighx..wish boss..can..
hurry sign mi up for course..
time just passes too fast..
too fast to catch up..i really need to..
change and buck up!
wish can strike one lottery..
lolx..just one.. to pay off all debts..
then i can work hard with my mthly pay
tired of paying debts..arghx..
stupid mi..last time so insensible!
hmmx..wish..and wish.. lolx..
a pure heart, that's what I long for
a heart that follows hard after Thee
a pure heart, that's what I long for
a heart that follows hard after Thee
a heart that hides Your Word
so that sin will not come in
a heart that's undivided
but one You rule and reign
a heart that beats compassion
that pleases You, my Lord
a sweet aroma of worship
that rises to Your throne
a pure heart, that's what I long for
a heart that follows hard after Thee
a pure heart, that's what I long for
a heart that follows hard after Thee
Thursday 14 August 2008,10:07:00
WAHX!! period come..sianx..
pain..slpy..moodless.. =X
anyway ytd boss surprised mi
haha..when abt to go home..
i let him sign my leave form..then..
suddenly he said..i had mention to rb
abt the course..wadever de..
then i was like..tot u forgotten alr.. =X
haha..surprised coz..1st..i reali tot..
he forgotten all abt it le as..
nv mention anymore abt it le..
2nd..tt time i was joking nia when i said
ask rb go study tt course also =,="
end up..he serious wan mi and him go tgt =X
he said..like tt u guys wont be bored..LOLX
weird..and..funnie..lolx..haha..oh..
and ytd tt pig took transport home haha..
hmmx..these few days sue not in..
he like nth to do keep call mi and tcss.. =,="
haha..funnie one la he.. F3~
one more weird thing..ytd auntie dunno y
suddenly said..heard u got bf liao grats
WTH?? >.<" i asked who say.. she say
cannot say later she kena scold? wth lorx
like so childish..zzz..as if i so bo liao..
go scold tt person.. =,= just wanna knw
who nia ma..zzz..i guessed rb..
but auntie said no
but who she also say no de la.. f3~
before tt in morning..talk to rb..
somehowx he also mentioned dao i got bf
ask mi howx long alr.. =,="
weird.. =,="""
wahx..pain la..sobs.. ='/
FM883 reali plays alot love songs man..
love songs that reali kills~
songs that reali bring back memories~
sighx...
please give mi one more try
for the sake of our love
let's give it one more chance
coz i cant give you up..
love...is just sooo fragile..
when in love..can say til hiong hiong
howx love and howx cant do w/o u
but when it changes heart..
all it needs is just a sec..
and wadever so call so much in love
all r nothing but history..
that's is love?!?
i thought..true love..
shouldnt be like this..
i always believed..if reali so much in love
howx can say forget jiu forget
howx can say no love jiu no love le??
sighx..humans..that is..
sighx..
Wednesday 13 August 2008,10:35:00
dunno why..im actually still thining abt it..
thinking abt the break off..
thinking abt the times..
i tried to salvage the rs..
the times..we r no longer tgt
but still tgt..sighx...
tinking abt him tinking abt mother..
sighx..dun wanna think..
reali dun wanna think..
but..somehowx..my mind..
is not under my control..
recently these few days will keep think..
our last msn chat..was few days aft his bday
initially i was surprised at..
howx i could actually talk to him
and still feel alrite..but somehowx..
ending shi..start to cry out.. haha..
i also told him that i tink its bett for mi
not to contact him at all..so i will del him
from everything..ask him to del if he wan also
ya..del from friendster and msn alr.. =)
but dunno wads wrong..these few days..
like keep non stop having him..
running thru my mind.. sighx..
alr one yr le..why am i still tinking man
stupid..woman.. foolest creatures on earth!
sighx..WHEN THEN WILL I SLIM
felt reali so useless man..
argh!! no determination at all de..
i wan to slim argh!!i must!!
tis time round must succeed!!!
but.. yet.. argh!!
still give in to temptation..
desire for food!! argh!!! =,="
howx..promised moon to do it man
but..moonie..sighx..deardear.. sobs..
when will tis river of tears stop falling
where can i run so i wont feel alone
i cant walk away when the pain keeps calling
i just got to take it from here on my own
BUT ITS SO HARD TO LET GO!!
Saturday 9 August 2008,02:43:00
w0w..l0ng time nv blog..
a mth le..eversince i busy with maple
no time slp dun say blog..lolx..
tired..haha..quite alot happen? =X
two weeks ago wanted blog de..coz..
a veri great day for mi..but ended up..
NEVER!! =X
lolx..anyway lazy to repeat any story..
so nvm..haha..in short..
he is back to work with us ^^
happie.. ^^
oh ya..2weeks nv login maple also..
went private server..haha..
been rejectin to go private de..
but end up.. sighx.. dunno..
eversince wedding..
panda nv talk much to mi le..
in fact..now we dun talk at all?
each time i login..all i had is..
hi pandadear..
lolx..tt's all? and tt's it!
somehowx..get sadx and disappointed..
then made mi miss dar alot..
so sms him..then..ya..like tt lorx..
tt's howx i ended up joinin maple ps
haha..today read thru those sms
panda sent mi..hmmx..sadx..
haha..and weird.. =X
dunno why also..suddenly we..
just dun talk?unlike last time..
bicker and joke..
funnie sia..i also dunno why F3~
but it makes mi sianx to login..
tot of train my simplelove..
equals to no strength..
been stuck at lvl 71 for weeks?
sighx..im veri easily affected in maple..
i can coz of someone..very into it
and also can coz of someone..totally dun touch
hmmx..initially went back coz of dar
but when his acc tio ban..
sumhowx coz got tis guild..i stayed on..
then coz of panda..i enjoy loggin in..
then coz of our marriage..i chiong lvl..
and now.. F3~
coz of him also..i no mood login at all =X
2weeks nv login also nv sms mi
F3~ sadx.. hahaha...
anyway today had tis one day course
tele etiquette & cust svc..
fun and not bad..lolx..dunno y
the instructor sumhowx kip te gan mi?
lolx..and he likes rb alot too hahaha..
funnie la tt rb =X
certain parts we luff til tear sia..
my boss luff til take tissues =X
haha..not bad la.. ^^
well seems like alot to say..but
dunno wad to say..haha.. ^^
oh ya..i wan go buy this book
the secret?today he showed us
one video..hmmx..i find it nice..
as in i find the purpose of the book
nice! and meaningful ^^
the video he showed us was not..
show or anythin.. =,="
is the author and some rev?
their talks..wow..great man!
i must learn to think good ^^
and feel good!! ^^
moonie..iloveyou ^^
deardear..love ya lots =X
haha..
